Loneliness

Webster defines loneliness as "being without company" and "cut off from others". It also defines lonely as "producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation." I would have to say that the first two fit being alone a lot better than being lonely, which is by far better represented by bleakness or desolation. Loneliness is not a physical situation but an emotional feeling. Although, loneliness can often inflict physical pain on us.

One can be alone without being lonely. In fact, many people require alone time. Time apart from others for whatever reason, whether it be contemplation or meditation or just a chance to reduce the noise that often goes with others being around. Others, not so much.

One can be lonely while they are in the company of others. In the case of some people, the need to be with others can be pathological. We can all think of that person we know that is clingy to a fault. They fall in love at the drop of a hat and end up being hurt and heart broken over and over until they have been hurt so often and so badly that they lose the capacity to love. See my previous blog regarding broken hearts.

So what do we do to fix out feelings of loneliness, the bleakness and desolation we feel? We try to find that person that cures the feeling. We seek out a man or woman that fixes our loneliness, even when they are not there. I would suggest that this is one of the characteristics of being in love.

When you are in love, you hopefully have a relationship with a person that makes you feel so good, you are far too happy to feel lonely. You know they are waiting for you and, in a manner of speaking, you take them everywhere in your heart. I say hopefully you have a relationship with this person because there are few things worse than being in love with someone with whom you can have no relationship. Perhaps they are in love with someone else, or married or, God forbid, just not interested. Talk about a situation that induces loneliness!!

We can create a self-fulfilling prophecy of loneliness by virtue of falling in love too quickly, falling in love with unavailable persons or being clingy and becoming so dependent on someone that, to quote a song I heard recently, we use them like a crutch. This can be self-destructive behavior and we should be wary of patterns in our lives that show us doing this over and over again.

I think we all seek that special person that cures our loneliness. That person that does not even have to be present to be with us. We hold them in our hearts and take them everywhere we go and with us with everything we do. The people that find these people in their lives are truly fortunate, for they may be alone, but are rarely lonely.Having said all of this, we must always remember that being lonely is not a sin and, in fact, is a part of being a human being. It is not a reflection on our worth as a person. We are emotional beings, we can be happy or sad, and we can also be lonely. In order to eliminate the possibility of being lonely, we would have to divest ourselves of all emotion. In essence, we would all have the emotional depth of Mr. Spock. I would argue that this is far too high a price to pay to end a temporary condition. The cure is out there for each of us.