A Rant...Wah, Wah, Wah

At the risk of seeming just a little egotistical, allow me to first say something about me to put my rant in perspective.

I have been a professional investigator for almost 35 years in one form or another. I have been a Police Detective, an Investigator for Public Defenders at both the state and federal level, a private investigator, having owned and operated my own private investigative agency and been a medical-legal forensic investigator. While it would seem that I can't hold a job, it is really a progression up a ladder of experience, as well as a financial ladder.

Due to the economy and the fact that it became impossible to make a living in aviation, my most recent endeavor, I was forced to go back to work in the public sector. In this economy, government employment, with all its benefits and relative job security, was perfect. Thus, I went back into investigations at a government agency I shall not name for reasons of both job security and discretion. I am now wondering what I could possibly have been thinking when I made this decision. Oh, the money is not bad and the benefits are outstanding. The fact that I was forced to come out of retirement and re-enter the field from which I felt like I had escaped sucked, but it is a paycheck. I now have a post-it note on my bathroom mirror that reads, "WHY?" - "Because You Need The Money Idiot!" This reminds me every day why I do not rant to the people that employ me. So, why do I need to vent?

Given that I have been at this a while, as well as done it for a living and run a business doing it, you would think that I might be given at least a bit of consideration for knowing what I am doing. This is not the case where I am employed. This office has less than a dozen people working in it. They are guided by two, three-inch, three-ring binders of policies and procedures. In addition there is a a four-inch binder of forms that are required to be used, with instructions as to how to use each and every one, as well as how to fill in each and every blank on them. Instructions like, exactly, word-for-word, how to answer a telephone, how to write a letter (BTW - There is NO external written communication allowed without a sign-off by the boss, for any reason, no matter how routine.), lunches are a half hour, no more, no less, and are strictly controlled regarding the time you can take lunch. The office rule is that if you are five minutes behind on taking your lunch, you can't go! I am not sure how the Wage and Hour Division of the Labor Department would feel about this, but I need to get through a probationary period before I can complain.

Constructive criticism here is criticism, but rarely constructive. It is fundamentally a method of making the supervisors feel better about themselves at the expense of another. The type of criticism is given in a manner that is demeaning and condescending both in its nature and delivery. The fundamental assumption is that is that, since you have not been here as long as I have, you can't possibly know what you are doing. Having served in the military, I can assure you that I have seen this kind of supervisor before, and in a job where subordinates carry guns and small explosive devices, supervisors like this have extremely short life spans in the field. The term "fragging" comes to mind. (Please note that as a young 2nd Lieutenant in a combat zone, I learned to be a good supervisor as a matter of self-preservation. Respect is required because no one feared you enough not to shoot you in the back, and the epitaph given by your men could always be..."oooops.")

Criticism is also given in a manner that seems to assume that you are eight years of age, in both content and tone. Before you get the explanation for how you should do things a different way or adjust your style, a long and involved demeaning description of why you could not possibly understand why you are wrong precedes the explanation. The explanation of how you should proceed in the future is then given in a manner that would make a child feel stupid; again, both in tone and content.

The other thing that just apalls me is the level of intellectual dishonesty that pervades the agency. An investigative agency, regardless of what type of agency it is or what it investigates, should have as a primary mission, stated or otherwise, the search for the truth. In this agency, the primary, fundamental and overriding goal is to come to a conclusion that is least likely to piss anyone off, the truth be damned. The mental masturbation that ensues is incredible and hideous. Conclusions are predetermined on this standard and then the facts are massaged to bolster the conclusion. This is done for administrative utility as well as political convenience.

The administrative implementation of this mission is also manifested in a prohibition of any personnel in the agency to make any expression of a professional opinion of any kind. The reasoning behind this is that such an opinion might be different from that of the agency head. This, in turn, could cause the agency head's opinion to be brought into question. Let us ignore for the moment that opinions developed during initial stages of any investigation can easily be changed or appended based on further investigation, no other opinion, no matter how accurate or correct, can exist if it is not that of the boss. By the way, this includes written or spoken opinions. I am not sure of a more frustrating situation for a thinking, analytical and intelligent individual, the kind of person that makes a really good investigator. It is clearly an exercise in pure power by an individual lacking self esteem and confidence.

These are people who clearly view life as a zero-sum game and in order for them to feel better about themselves, they must somehow diminish another. They take from others by demeaning so they can give to themselves in a psychological sense. In another circumstance, I suspect these were the people that were the nebishes and dweebs that were picked on by others, or may have been part of the "in-crowd" or bullies that just got off on picking on people, in their younger years.  The latetr being highly unlikely.


While the Cro Magnon part of my brain just wants to bitch slap these people and explain to them that they are what they are, I doubt they would be smart enough to understand the tone and content of my criticism. They clearly do not understand the concept of respect for anyone else, apparently having never been respected themselves. This educational technique, bitch slapping, while excellent at eliminating frustration, would result in my incarceration in all probability. I have to remember what is written on the post-it note on my mirror; at least until the economy improves, I win the lottery or another job becomes available.