People Are Strange...The Continuing Saga... No. 2...You Can Never Go Back

I recently had a long conversation (actually a series of emails) with a woman that did something I considered very strange. She got back together with a man that she had broken up with on three separate occasions. I believe my comment was, among others, that it was the triumph of hope over reality. The thing that made it so much more surreal was the fact that she had a man she had been with before pining away for her. Like all things in the interpersonal relationships of human beings, things are not simple. To make things easier, I will give them pseudonyms, because “he” can get a bit confusing.

It seems that she has been in what she thought was a committed, monogamous relationship with Don, but, for several reasons, she found out that maybe it was not as committed and monogamous as she had thought, on at least one occasion anyway. So they broke up, but got back together. The reasons for the other two break-ups are not quite as clear, and far more complicated, but suffice it say, they were serious enough for her to leave him, even though, getting back together previously was more out of habit than for any other reason, by her own admission. The most recent break up lasted a couple of months until Don came back and promised to be a good boy. She bought it and they are, no doubt, living in bliss. I shall presume this because she has refused to talk to me after I made my opinions known to her.

The thing that is strange is that she was with another guy about three years ago, Allan, before she met Don. They had what can only be described as an idyllic relationship, but it only lasted six months because Allan stopped seeing her and got back together with his old girlfriend. Allan did this, according to discussions they have had since, because he was falling in love and he was just scared to death, having flashbacks of a failed marriage and a couple of failed relationships, so he went back to a woman he was not in love with, but with whom things were tolerable. It was, by his own admission, a bad mistake.

Well, of course, the inevitable happened and Allan and his girlfriend broke up, and permanently this time. Allan had been single for over a year when his path crossed this woman’s path again while she was broken up with Don. They started talking and, after a month, she finally decided to take a chance and start seeing Allen again, but this never happened because Don showed up again.

Allen had explained that he realized that he had made a terrible mistake in dumping her and thought of it has a horrible error. He seemed to express that he also felt guilty about it as well. The long and the short of it was that Allen, having realized his error, professed a willingness to spend the rest of his life making sure that this woman would never feel she had made a mistake in getting back together with him. There are few more motivating things in the world as guilt. Ask any Jewish Mother or Grandmother. So, what do you think happened?

Of course, Don, came waltzing back to her, puppy dog eyes and all, professing his unhappiness and desire to try, yet again, and she bought it. I have not heard from her since, probably because I did everything short of calling her an idiot for getting back together with Don. I though maybe shock treatment or the email equivalent of getting slapped upside the head was called for…Oh well. I explained that Don had discovered he was lonely without her and that, for Don, being with her was better than being alone. I explained that to Don, being with anyone was better than being alone. I also pointed out that Don had always been looking for something better to come along and that she would get dumped the minute that something better (to Don) did come along. Gee…I can’t imagine why she does not does not speak to me anymore…LOL

Allan was motivated, in part by guilt, but he was also motivated by gratitude at getting a second chance, and getting a second chance at love is something for which to be very grateful. Allan probably would have spent the rest of his days making sure that he proved to her that she had not made a mistake in choosing him. I cannot help but suspect that Allan broke her heart when he left her the first time and this was her way of getting back at him for having dumped her years ago, but since I haven’t heard from her she has not denied it. Allen also accused her of the same thing, and I think he may be right. He also said that he probably won’t be there for her again when she finds herself three years older before making contact with Allan again. Life will move forward.

I just don’t understand the decisions people make in matters of love. Hell, I do not even understand the reasons I do things in matters of love. I am an enigma to myself in this regard, but isn’t everybody? It is just another reason to believe that people are strange.