What Do I Want?...Perfect Imperfection

Sam Keen said, "We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly."

So who is the perfect woman? I suppose, it depends on the man who is searching, obviously, so I can only speak for myself, as I can only seek the woman that is perfect for me. I think the perfect woman inspires a man to be a better man, and just by virtue of the fact that they are together, he is a better man. She will make a man feel like he has hit the lottery every time he sees her come into a room; the woman he is be proud to be with and who is proud to be with him.

In my case, I want to meet the woman whose heart I can make sing with laughter and joy. Since I am just a little bit crazy and have a couple of holes in my head, I would like to find the woman that has bumps in her head that fit the holes in mine. She is my "Princess Buttercup" that understands exactly what I mean when I say, "As you wish." and understands why every argument ends with me saying, "Yes dear."

I would really like to meet a woman who appreciates maturity and judgment and has finally gotten fed up with being treated badly by the bad boys in her life. She will be the woman that knows everything there is to know about me and likes me anyway. Thus, she will be my best friend; a woman that I love and like. She is the woman with whom I can talk until the wee hours of the morning and when we both look at the clock; we wonder how it has gotten to be so late.

The love of my life is someone that we can get to know each other, share experiences and see where life takes us. We will develop a relationship and build our own history together. We will share the adventures, the joys and the disappointments. Any couple can stay together in the good times, but a couple truly in love endures the bad times with a certain pride in knowing they are getting through it together. They know they could have gotten through it alone, but are so much happier to gone through it together.

My perfect imperfection will judge a man by the content of his character, not the thickness of his wallet, nor that his flowing mane of hair, nor six-pack abs. She is the woman who shares her inner self, her wants, needs, desires, goals and aspirations, the woman that will let me earn her trust.

The woman I long for is not afraid to let herself be vulnerable, knowing I will protect her. When someone makes her cry, I will ask, "Whose ass do I need to kick?" I will hold her when she needs to be comforted, but let her be her own woman. She will know I support her unconditionally and will never judge her. She will know that she holds my heart in the palm of your hand.She is beautiful, sensual and passionate, both inside and out, a woman that is simple, direct and has a healthy look; a woman confident enough and comfortable enough in her own skin to know what she wants.

She will like to slow dance in the living room, just the two of us, with a soft love song on the stereo. She will be quick to smile, but not afraid to cry. I will inspire her to be the woman willing to try new things with a sense of adventure and excitement, and if she fails, I will be there alongside her picking up the pieces, encouraging her to try again.

This is my perfect imperfection…

The "Bad Boy"

I have never understood the concept of the “bad boy” and why women seem to gravitate toward them. The bad boy generally treats a woman badly and, at best, seems to just ignore a woman with whom he is in a relationship. Based on what I have seen, the bad boy takes to heart the concept that a woman in analogous to a bus, if things do not work out with one, there will be another coming by soon, so not to worry. Women are disposable, expendable and fungible in the mind of the bad boy. Yet, women flock toward these men and then wonder why they get their hearts broken when they fall in love with these guys.

Of course, during the course of the relationship, the women are treated badly, and generally used for whatever they have to offer; money, sex, or a place to live. When the women gets a clue, all the guy has to do is turn on the charm and talk his way out of the problem. He plays on the desire of the woman to be with him so badly that she wants to believe his line of B.S. It is very sad in my estimation. Of course, I have never been a bad boy and could never pull it off. I have too much respect for women as a group as well as individually. That is not to say I like all women, there are many I don’t care for, but it is an individual judgment based on their actions and my personal experience with them. The bad boy seems to treat women in general with disdain.

Bad boys define women who care, love and want relationships as “high maintenance.” A woman that attempts to limit a man within a monogamous relationship is considered a ball and chain. The bad boy is always looking for the next better woman. He will search for a woman and, once finding her, will continue his search for the next better woman. Once he finds what he thinks is the next better thing, he will try to maintain the existing relationship while exploring and developing the new, potential relationship. Once he has established the new relationship, he will begin to treat the woman in his previous relationship even worse, for now he has somewhere to go when the existing relationship ends. The existing relationship, by the way, usually ends when the woman in it discovers she is being cheated on, as the bad boy gets sloppy as a result of his not really caring if he gets caught; for the time being, he has his cake and is eating it too (pardon the obvious pun). Now the woman in the new relationship usually knows that the guy is coming from an existing relationship, but she is perfectly willing to settle, using all her skill to pry him out of the prior relationship. Scary, huh? I just don’t get it.

Ladies, at the risk of being just a little self serving, have you ever considered that maybe a guy that is not “perfect” might be a little more prone to making you happy? Choose a guy that is not a “bad boy”, not model material or some sort of Adonis. I can assure you that he will be so incredibly grateful that you chose him, he would spend the rest of his life making himself worthy of your being with him. Inspiration is a wonderful thing. Inspiration has resulted in the poetry of Shakespeare and Wordsworth, the artwork of DaVinci and Dega, the romantic oratory of Romeo and Juliet and Cyrano de Bergerac.

I am often reminded of the Head Cheerleader, Melody, in Revenge of the Nerds, who exclaims after a nerd, before she realizes it’s a nerd, performs the absolute best ever oral sex on her, “GOD! I’m in love with a nerd!” The nerd says, “Jocks just think about sports. Nerds just think about sex.” Bad boys just think about themselves, while the “nice guy” thinks about his partner, always.

In keeping with my nerd analogy, I am a nice guy and pretty proud of it.