Canton, MA – The Dunkin’ Donuts Corporation lost almost $2.2 million in farm subsidies today, a spokesperson for the Federal Department of Agriculture announced this morning. He went on to state that the corporation may have to pay back most, if not all, of past years’ subsidies. The loss stunned Dunkin’ Officials who immediately promised to appeal the decision.
The multi-billion dollar corporation lost the subsidies when agriculture officials made the finding that D.D. was not engaged in "legitimate agricultural activity," a fact revealed by federal investigators. After years of study, testing and review, we have not been able to reproduce a single donut in the fashion described by Dunkin’ Officials. We have planted thousands, if not millions, of Cheerios and we have yet to grow a single donut. They are just not donut seeds as the company has stated in applications for the subsidies.
A Dunkin’ Donuts spokesperson stated, “We have thousands of outlets the world over and they have followed our program to the letter, making billions of donuts and millions of dollars. Each day, Cheerios are planted and they are harvested and served to millions of satisfied customers.” “Cheerios are just donut seeds.”, he continued.
A separate investigation is underway, being conducted by the Federal Trade Commission and Food and Drug Administration, regarding allegations of fraud that deal with Dunkin' Donuts franchisees being scammed as a result of this growing donut controversy. Federal officials state that these investigations may take several years to complete, given the requirement to complete several growing seasons.
When contacted regarding the allegations, spokespersons for General Mills, makers of Cheerios, could not stop laughing long enough to offer a comment.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment