WTF!!!??? What Did I Do To You???

Back in Mid October, I got a comment to this blog that was rather hostile. As a result, I chose to delete it, but my conscience has been bothering me for doing so, as the act of just deleting it goes against my beliefs as a Liberal; that whole freedom of speech thing and all. Thus, I shall, through the use of that wonder of cut and paste, reproduce it here. [Please note that any and all errors in grammar are faithfully reproduced from the original. I used different fonts and a different color to differentiate the comments from my reply.]

"You are really a pathetic man.You use big words to make it seem like you are really smart.All you want is somebody to clean your house,pay your bills and give you sex when you want it.You talk about your job and how much you dislike it..Be lucky you even have one at all with the attitude you have.To top it off..you voted for a man that has no idea of how to run a country..Get a life buddy..You seem like a self absorbed looser to me with nothing else to do than write on a stupid blog.You are not even good looking at all.I can see why you are on Match.com..... I myself was on Match.com and all the so called men on that sight are just players and liars that really don't have any clue as what a real realationship is..Good luck finding what ever it might be that you are searching for."

Okay, that is the unedited version of the comment. Now, I am not so Liberal as to not take advantage of being the "head blogger what be in charge" here and allow it to go without response. Allow me to indulge in my editorial reply, point by point.

"You are really a pathetic man." Really? How would you know? Based on what deep and well-thought-out knowledge is such a harsh and negative judgment made? You know me? I doubt it. If you are an ex-girlfriend, might I suggest you have the courage of your convictions and call me on the phone to bitch at me in a less public forum?

"You use big words to make it seem like you are really smart." Actually, I thought being articulate in one's native tongue was, by definition, part of being smart. I have been accused of using 25-cent words when 5-cent words will do. I plead guilty as charged. However, I do not use words that I cannot define or use in a sentence correctly. I suggest that if you are not able to understand the words I use, that you take the opportunity to better yourself by utilizing that publication called a dictionary and learn a new word or two. Personally, I find the concept that I have to dumb myself down to your level of ignorance abhorrent (look it up). Just for the record, I do not use big words to make myself seem smart. I really am smart, and it ain't bragging if it's true. Very clearly, this individual enters a battle of wits unarmed. I also know this is not an ex-girlfriend as they would know I really am smarter than the average bear.

"All you want is somebody to clean your house,pay your bills and give you sex when you want it." First, I own a modest house that I keep clean all by myself. I do my own laundry, even. Okay, I will admit that I do not mow my own lawn, I choose to pay someone to mow over three acres. Call me lazy. Second, I am very well able to pay any and all of my bills and enjoy a very expensive hobby called aviation. Hell, I own a plane for cryin' out loud. My cars, yes a couple of them, were paid for in cash. I have no credit card debt, no mortgage and no car payments. I can live on a $1,000 a month if required, but it isn't required as I make a lot more than that, fortunately. How badly do I need someone to pay my bills? Finally, I plead absolutely and unapologetically guilty to wanting to find someone with whom I can have sex anytime I want it. Also whenever they want it or whenever anyone else wants us to if that increases the number of times we have sex. Having said that, I would do my best to please my partner in that regard and try my best to give as good as I get. It is purely selfish...they may want to do it more often if I am any good at it.

"You talk about your job and how much you dislike it. Be lucky you even have one at all with the attitude you have." You misunderstand. I do not hate my job. Clearly, you did not read my article on hate, but anyway, I actually enjoy my job and I am very happy to have a job in this economy, although I will admit the five or six years I was retired were a lot more fun. What I complain about (not hate) is the pinheads for whom I work. They are inefficient, ineffective, intellectually dishonest and moral and ethical cowards. Since I work for a governmental agency, paid for by my tax dollars as much as yours, I reserve the Right to suggest how that agency can be run more effectively and efficiently; more Americans should. That is my opinion and belief, to which I am entitled. We live in a wonderful country where we can agree to disagree. I fought for that Right, for you and the rest of this country, and do not recall anyone abrogating (again...look it up) it for me.

"To top it off..you voted for a man that has no idea of how to run a country." Again, we will have to agree to disagree. You have the absolute Right to your opinion, as do I. Please vote your conscience, those of us who served in the military (maybe even you) paid for it, please exercise it. As I have said before, I have defended, at the risk of my life, your Right to shout at the top of your lungs an opinion I would spend a lifetime opposing.  I actually have a complaint with Obama.  In my opinion, he should have ignored the entire Republican Party, told them, "Sit down, shut and hold on.  You're in for a Hell of a ride!"  Then he should have used the Democratic majority in the House and Senate to ram legislation through, but he chose to try to be bi-partisan with an opposition that is not a "loyal" opposition determined to improve the country, but an opposition dedicated to maintaining their own power at all costs and lining their own pockets.

"Get a life buddy." First, I am clearly not your buddy. Second, I have a life. A good life, in fact an excellent life. Hell, if life where any better I would have to be twins, but I am human and I just like to bitch. That, we appear to have in common.

"You seem like a self absorbed looser to me with nothing else to do than write on a stupid blog." Not that I wish to nit-pick, but "looser" is spelled "loser" and self absorbed, in the context in which you use it, should be hyphenated. I write because I enjoy it, and other people have told me they enjoy reading it, but I write for me, so I would do it even if nobody liked it. Apparently the price I pay is comments from people like you. Oh, well. I don't think my blog is "stupid" and who cares anyway. You don't have to read it, now do you?

"You are not even good looking at all." You're absolutely right. I am not good looking at all. I never have claimed, nor will I ever claim, to be an Adonis or any other Greek god-like creature. I guess that is why I am paid for what I know and not what I look like. We can't all be Brad Pitt or Matt Damon or Sean Connery or Harrison Ford, but who really cares? Is it really that important? Was your purpose to demean me based on something as insignificant as my appearance; toward what end? Gee, am I a lesser person because I am not model handsome? Thank God, I do not judge based on such superficial criteria.

"I can see why you are on Match.com." Not that I really care what you think as to why I am on Match.com, or more accurately, was on Match.com, but I was there looking to find someone. I do not hang out in bars, and live in a place that the dating pool is more like a shallow puddle. Match.com deepened the dating pool. Is there something about that that you feel demeans me in some way? I note you were on that site as well.  Is this the pot calling the kettle black?  The fact you were apparently not able to find someone, not surprising, actually, may have more to do with your nasty attitude than a failure on the part of Match.com and the people on it.

"I myself was on Match.com and all the so called men on that sight are just players and liars that really don't have any clue as what a real realationship is." Okay...In no particular order of importance; "so called" should be hyphenated when modifying a pronoun and "realationship" is spelled wrong. Might I, at this point, recommend spell check? Clearly, I doubt that you have met every man on Match.com, so any judgment about every man on that site must be purely a guess on your part. I will not presume to think you are a slut, so you cannot have dated that many men from that site. Thus, your sample is probably not large and therefore not terribly representative of "all men" on the site and I doubt they are all "just players [whatever that means] and liars that really don't have any clue what a real relationship is." By the way, you really shouldn't end a sentence in a preposition, comments by Winston Churchill to the contrary (again, look it up). If I am wrong in my assumption and you have dated a statistically significant sample of all men on Match.com, I am sorry, you may be right in your assessment, but you really are a slut!

"Good luck finding what ever it might be that you are searching for." Thank you, your sarcasm notwithsatnding. Note, whatever, is one word and again, what is it with you and the prepositions?

In conclusion and to summarize; what the Hell did someone do to you to make you so incredibly bitter? Do you have something genuinely wedged so far up your ass that it causes you to be this way? See a proctologist, will ya? Have you been hurt so badly by someone that your outlook on life can be this negative? If this is the case, please find a male friend and have them pummel that individual repeatedly about the head and shoulders with a baseball bat. They deserve it if they created an attitude like yours in anyone. However, I would suggest, as an alternative, that if you find that you have been with multiple men that all fit the same mold, that of bad boy that has treated you badly, you might try choosing someone that does not fit that mold. At the risk of being the victim of more abuse, take a look at my blog on bad boys. You might learn something.

The Defense rests!!

Take That !!!!

This evening I had absolutely nothing to do, which is really kind of pathetic, considering it was Friday night.  That being said, I was on-call, which prevented me from drinking or leaving a rather large area, but restrictioning nonetheless.  These are times when one finds things to do; like re-organizing your wallet, sorting your sock drawer and emptying your email inbox.  I chose to engage in another, I thought meaningless, task.  I went through the contact list of my cell phone and deleted contacts that were old and outdated.

I was surprised at the number of these that were in my phone.  There were some 350-plus total contacts, and I was surprised at how many of them were worthy of deletion.  Some for the usual reason that they were just old, others because they were temporary in nature, while others were people I just had no idea who they were anymore.  Then, there were those that were very special.  The numbers of women I had broken up with in the past.  Now this is not an incredibly long list, which I suppose makes it an exclusive list, but it is a very meaningful list I came to find.

I scrolled through the contact list and every time I came to one of these special entries, I pondered it carefully.  I thought, do I really want to delete this person?  I considered the impact.  If they ever called, they would no longer come up in my phone as a name on the screen, they would come as numbers that I might not recognize.  Thus, I might actually answer the phone, and I had no desire, nor reason, to speak with them, but I could not resist.  In a couple of cases, I called the number, only to find that they had been disconnected.  In one case I got an answer and quickly hung up, having no idea who answered the phone.   I shall plead abject cowardice for this lack of backbone.  In a couple of cases I sent a text, and have no idea as to whether it was received or if the number was disconnected, as I got no reply.  In the end, I hit the menu button, scrolled down to "delete" and hot the select key.  Poof, the entry was erased.

There is something therapeutic about erasing a person from the contact list.  It is an act of finality.  It is the ultimate end, short of killing someone.  They no longer have the value of the minuscule data bits required to store the entry in the memory of my phone.  It is a kind of existential act of destruction that, for whatever reason, is supremely satisfying.  Regardless of whatever fault I may hold in the break-ups, it is still satisfying to be done with it in a manner of speaking.  Interesting how the act of pushing a button and eliminating a name from a list can have such an impact.

I presume life will go on uninterrupted for those deleted and, unless they got the text and just failed to respond, will never know they have existentially rubbed out, erased, deleted and otherwise eliminated.  The feeling of finality is for me and, like I said, is supremely satisfying.  Life can now move on.

Never Mistake Kindness for Weakness

I have found that I have gotten quite a few responses to my blogs entries in recent weeks, but I find it amazing at the number of women, and a few men, that the gist of their response is "You're a WIMP!!" I find that somewhat astonishing. The men I can write off to jealousy, maybe, but the women I do not understand. Since when does being in touch with your emotions, knowing what you want and being willing to treat people, women in particular, like you would want to be treated equate to being a wimp, woos, nerd or geek? Okay, I may be a geek, but then so is Bill Gates, and the woman that is kicking herself now is the one that laughed and said no when he asked her to the high school prom.

I have educated myself, served my fellow man for my entire adult life, often in positions that required me to wear a bulletproof vest and a gun, not because I was macho, but not because I was a coward either.  Winston Churchill said, "Fear is a reaction.  Courage is a decision."  I admit to being scared, sometimes out of my mind, but I made the decision to get past it.  I have been successful in my business dealings. I have been successful because I was lucky, yes, but also because I was smart, honest and cared for the people that worked for me. The honesty and caring part has cost me more money than I care to recount, but I have remained true to myself. I have tried to live as Shakespeare had Polonius entreating Laertes, "This above all: to thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." Honor above all else is the way I have interpreted this. You may not like what I have to say, but you will never have to question that I believe what I am saying.

I am not sure what this has to do with relationships, which is the context in which it is most often broached, but it certainly does not equate to weakness, nor being a wimp. Security and insecurity come from deep within a person. You either like yourself or you don't; and yes, I like myself for who I am, as well as what I have done with my life. Sure, we all feel periods of self-pity, but we do not allow our life to revolve around them. If being able to articulate feelings and honest emotions makes me a wimp; if understanding something about the wants, needs and desires of another makes me a wimp, then I shall proudly bear it as a badge of honor, just as proudly as I have worn military ribbons and medals.

To those that would have me believe I am less than who I believe myself to be I would tell them: Life is not a zero-sum game; for someone to win there does not have to be a loser. Because one has something, does not mean he took it from someone else or you. Earn it for yourself and do not expect it to be given to you by someone else's hard work. Karl Marx wrote, "From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need." This is the very definition of socialism and in a capitalist society such as ours; this thinking will result in frustration and jealousy.

Do not mistake my kindness and sensitivity for weakness, for I am not weak, nor helpless, nor a coward. I am a man that, after many years of reflection, understands what would make me happy and the things I offer to make a very special woman very happy...unconditional love.

Just Shut Up and Listen !!!

As I think I have mentioned before, I work as an investigator and, as such, it is my job to gather information.  The kind of information I gather can be a bit technical and rather specific, but regardless, at the root of any investigation is the search for the truth.  What someone does with the information is a different matter, and they may not want to know the truth (like there were never really any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq), but that really does not matter, it is what it is.

Recently, I listened to a person that is A) allegedly an investigator and B) is an extremely well-educated (please note, I do not use the term smarter) man conduct an interview.  I was appalled at the conduct of the interview, and I am quite sure that the individual conducting it would never, under any circumstances acknowledge the error or improper conduct.  The conduct of the interview consisted of a series of leading questions put to a less-than-well-educated individual.  The questioning clearly was designed to lead to a predetermined conclusion that the interviewer had already reached.  The questions were like, "It was hot out at the time, right?"  "You saw the guy that did this, didn't you?"  "He had a gun in his left hand?"  Although these questions have nothing to do with the case to which I refer, it gets the point across.  Since the interview situation was not a courtroom, there was no one to object to the leading nature of the questions, however, it could be one day, and that is where the problem may lie.

The transcript of the interview will clearly indicate to anyone reading it that the interviewer had already made up their mind what the answers should be and was doing everything they could to get to that conclusion.  It was not so much an interview as it was one person figuratively taking hold of another's nose and pulling them down the path the interviewer desired to go down.  The first clue is when you get answers like, "If you say so."  "Ya, I guess." or just plain "Yes" and "No" answers without the need to explain, because all the information is already contained in the question.  This was a p*ss poor way to conduct an interview.

The thing that made this all that much worse is that the person conducting the interview is an individual with one of those titles that goes with advanced degrees.  Members of an older generation that have a presumptive respect for people that hold such positions tend to acquiesce to these people, regardless of whether they are right or not.  Imagine arguing with your doctor as to whether you have Benign Prostatic Hypertrophy or Carcinoma of the Prostate.  Sure, you may get a second opinion, but it is to confirm what your doctor says.  You do not automatically assume he is wrong.  So you have to be careful to make sure that people are not acquiescing to your position or authority when conducting an interview.

This brings up another issue.  How many people actually know what Benign Prostatic Hypertrophy and Prostatic Intraepithelial Neoplasia are, much less the difference between the two?  Hell, even the Doctors use "BPH" and "PIN" to describe these conditions !!  (FYI - Both are cause for swelling of a man's protate gland.  The first is not a problem, the second is a precursor of Prostate Cancer and will kill you.).   An interview has to be done in the language of the person being interviewed, not the language of the person doing the interview.  A doctor (at least a smart one) will not ask, Do you have "dysuria"?  He will ask you if it hurts when you urinate, or when you pee, depending on the patient.  A police officer will not ask a woman if she has been the victim of an "aggravated sexual battery", he will ask (in the gentlest way possible, hopefully) "Ma'am, have you been sexually assaulted?"  In come cases, to make sure they are being understood, police may have to ask, "Ma'am, were you raped?"  When trynig to get information, subtle legal distinctions need to be put aside in the search for the facts and that means the language has to be at the common denominator, but I digress.

In the case I am referring to now, the individual asked a woman a bunch of questions that not only lead her to a conclusion, but he asked them in a manner that she clearly did not understand.  The answers she gave had nothing to do with what happened and everything to do with agreeing with the better-educated man probably for fear of feeling ignorant or stupid.  This is not a basis on which a search for the truth should be based.

People with [low] self-esteem issues often manage to make up for these issues by getting into positions in which they have authority, and they get this authority by becoming well-educated.  They may have few "people-skills"  nor understand the world around them to a great extent, preferring to impose themselves on the world around them and impress everyone with what they know.  If you are truly a seeker of the truth, this can get in the way, to say the least.  All you really need to do is ask the simple question, like Why? and then just shut up and listen to the "Because."

Intimacy vs. Passion

A few nights ago I was laying in bed, in a drug induced fog, thanks to my dentist and a prescription for Percocet.  I found myself missing someone in my bed.  I am not referring to a sex partner, but a person with whom to cuddle, to spoon, one arm around her, a hand gently cupping her breast, the softness of skin against mine and the sound of her breathing deeply and sweetly.  I know this is sounding sexual, but it really isn't.  It is intimacy.  I have always believed that the act of sleeping together in such a way is actually more intimate than sex in may ways, or maybe in just a different way.

The act of sleeping together, without the expectation or anticipation of sex, allows a man and a woman to become intimate in a sense that sex does not.  It is a more passive kind of intimacy whereas sex is a more active state in more than just the physical.  Sleeping together is satisfying in an almost spiritual sense.  You comfort one another and the mere act of being together is enough.  There are no expectations of giving or receiving pleasure.  If there are no expectations, there can be no frustrations, no disappointments and no sadness.  You provide all that is needed by your partner by just being there and this is an act of ultimate intimacy.

Don't get me wrong, I think that sex, and more accurately, making love, are the best things around, but, as I said, they are different.  They are active and therefore require action and actions can be judged by performance.  One can perform well or poorly, or not at all, which can be extremely disappointing when performance is expected.  The act of sleeping together does not require action, beyond that of an ability to cuddle, an art that is not difficult.  Trust me, if I can manage it, almost anyone can.  Once you have gotten into that perfect position, you go to sleep, but before you do, you experience the feel of your partner's body against yours, the rise and fall of your partner's chest as they breathe, the sound of their breathing, the smell of their skin and hair, and the sound of their sighs as they drift off to sleep with you.

There is something divine about this passive process.  It is the intimacy that comes with you being you, nothing more, nothing less.  There is no pressure, no expectation or requirement to please in the act of making love.  It is a true sharing without the need to give and take, really.  The ultimate level playing field on which you both lie together as one and truly enjoy one another.